Digressions - Nihilistbear's Writings

Warning: The Fiction On This Site Sometimes Contains Graphic Adult Situations. If you aren't old enough to read the stories marked NC-17, please don't.

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About Drabbles: Drabbles are one hundred word vignettes about various things. At this time, all my drabbles are related to Buffy The Vampire Slayer/Angel The Series. They are posted in my Live Journal and are genrally the answer to prompts found at Open On Sunday. About Winter and/or Steam" Answer to Open On Sunday's Prompt for December 21 Kiss from “Once More With Feeling” – Buffy POV She grabs him and kisses him hard. He’s so cold; Riley said vampires were room temperature, but Spike isn’t, he can’t be. Every time he touches her she freezes a little more inside. She doesn’t know if it’s the aftermath of being dragged from heaven, but everything she touches is cold, and he’s coldest of all. Kissing him is like kissing winter, and she’s freezing alive from every caress. It’s so empty, but at the same time, she welcomes the cold. She doesn’t really want the fire back. It burns too much. She wants to be cold and dead. Like him. "Opening Scene, “Dead Things” – Spike POV She moans beneath him. He wonders if she’s ever moaned like that for her other lovers, the Pouf, or Soldier Boy, or her one-night stand. She writhes as he strokes her skin, sobs a little as he teases her. She’s so hot he’s sure if he poured a glass of water on her it would turn to steam. She’s mewling now, so close, the muscles all across her body tensing and relaxing. Jesus. Fucking her is like fucking a volcano, and he’s afraid he’s going to be burned alive by it. He kind of hopes that that’s the way this’ll end. "Break Up Scene from “As You Were” – Buffy POV She walks into Spike’s destroyed crypt. The crypt, like him, was just another casualty of The Buffy Summers Experience. He’d really loved his albums. Back when they used to talk, before she kissed him and ended any quasi-friendship they’d had, he’d ramble about then as she sat silently. She’d loved the sound of his voice. It was winter, at least what she imagined winter was like. Deep and slow. Penetrating. Restful. But it’s time for spring now, and she walks away from him, ready to start a new season of life. The season without Spike. It’s harder than she’d anticipated. “Seeing Red” just before Dawn enters Spike’s crypt. He remembers winter in Prague. Snow falling constantly, frigid winds, people bundled up; it could take ages to get a decent meal. He and Dru used to hang outside their windows every day of winter, keeping their bodies inside and warm, delighting in the way their breath made clouds of condensation. However, even those glacial winter days can’t begin to compare with the cold that he’s lived with since Buffy caught him with Anya. The door slams open, and Spike doesn’t stir; it isn’t her, and he’s busy with the winter of his discontent. Sodding poetic soul. He needs another drink. Bathroom scene, “Seeing Red” – Buffy POV She runs the water for a bath, watches the steam curl up and fog the mirror. Times like these, she wishes Spike was still there with his soothing wintry voice and ice on her neck. As though conjured by her thoughts, the door opens and he enters. She’s sore, and more vulnerable than usual. She admits she cares, hopes that’ll be enough. It isn’t; suddenly Spike’s angry, shoving her to the tiles and for the first time in years she’s really scared of him. But she shoves him away, and he disappears, like steam curling out the door, out of her life. Final Scene, “Grave” Nothing compares to the soul being shoved in him, freezing him and burning him, until he feels like he’s frozen solid and on fire all at once. It’s done. He’s huddled on the floor whimpering as Lurky disappears like a puff of steam. She’s finally killed him, not with a stake but with her needs. He’d known she’d fuck him to death someday, but he’d hoped it would be a little more fulfilling than this… Then all his sins come crowding back, and for the first time in four years, he doesn’t have a single thought of her. About A Sunset in The Summer: Answer to Open On Sunday’s prompt for December 14, 2003 Buffy, Pre Series. Sunset. Sunset used to mean dream dates on the beach and post cards from Hawaii. Sunset used to be a gorgeous time of day, a time to sit on the stairs and marvel at the beauty of the world around her. Sunset used to be a time of meditation. Now sunset is the time that everything ugly and wrong in the world comes out to play. Sunset is the time to bar your windows and lock your doors. Sunset isn’t a meditation anymore; it’s the beginning of the nightmare. Sunset is when the world starts to end. Stupid frickin’ destiny. Spike, Post Becoming He wonders if he ever paid attention to the sunset when he was human. He probably wrote some hideous tripe with awkward rhymes to describe its beauty. In over a hundred years, sunset hasn’t meant anything besides the time he can leave without being burnt alive, and summer sunsets meant nothing other a shorter hunting time. Now that he’s in Brazil, sunsets happen even later and mean something far worse: Drusilla’s gone when they come. She’s off screwing someone else. Sunsets mean heartache. Sunsets mean it’s time to get drunk and pretend she still belongs to him. Stupid frickin’ Angelus. Dawn, Post Gift She’s never seen the appeal of sunsets; for as long as she can remember, she hasn’t been allowed outside after dark. Just another bonus to being the Slayer’s kid sister. After she found out that all her quirks were implanted in her brain, she tried sunsets on for size, from the safety of her porch, of course. Still didn’t get it. But now she looks forward to them, because as she watches the colors bleed like they had when Buffy jumped, she knows he’ll be following soon. Sure enough, here he comes. She smiles inwardly with joy. Stupid frickin’ vampire About Success/Failure: Answer to Open On Sunday’s prompt for December 06, 2003 Every Night I Save You He kills the little lizard bastard before he can get close to Dawn’s tender stomach, and cuts her free, and she falls in his arms and hugs him. He carries her down the stairs, and Giles gives him a manly pat on the back and a very British “Good show”, and Xander… well who gives a damn about him, because Buffy comes forward and says “I knew I could trust you to protect her,” and moves forward to kiss him- And he’s awake, dragged out of sleep by some noise. He reaches for a cigarette, inhales deeply and sighs. Day seventy-eight I’ll Make You Feel It He gets that she needs to feel something to keep that death wish at bay, and it’s him. He has no intention of losing her again, so he climbs the stairs to talk all this out. He’ll make things right before his failures get her sucked into the void once more. If she dies because he’s screwed up again, he’ll stake himself. Then something goes horribly wrong, and he’s slamming her to the floor and hurting her, and he can’t figure out how, but he’s messed up again. He doesn’t remember if he’s ever known how to succeed at anything. I Want To See How This Ends She runs away at his behest, and he finds the personal fortitude (it’s good this soul’s killing him, because that was dreadfully Willaimesque) to focus on his duty. It hurts more than anything he has ever imagined or withstood, but it’s a clean pain (scrubbing bubbles, she said giggling as he held her in his arms last night), a washing away of his sins (baptism by fire) then it’s all light and the light’s coming from him, and it’s burning all over now, not just his hand, but he’s done it. For once he’s been exactly what she needs. About Autumn: Answer to Open On Sunday’s prompt for November 09, 2003 Dead Season Autumn. God, she hates autumn. Autumn always means re-shouldering the burdens of life. First she had to return to school, then later, slaying, then finally being yanked from heaven and back into this life. Autumn, by her personal definition, sucks. Her autumn hatred ran deeper than that, but she hadn’t really known why. She’d never realized it in California (couldn’t, really, because there’s only two seasons there: hot and not as hot), but after a few years in Europe she finally gets why she hates autumn so very much. Autumn is a time of dying, and she’s had more than enough of that. Choose Another Series 08 December 2003