Digressions - Nihilistbear's Writings

Warning: The Fiction On This Site Sometimes Contains Graphic Adult Situations. If you aren't old enough to read the stories marked NC-17, please don't.

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All The Small Things Author’s Note: - Angel/Nina, set um… somewhere after they’ve gotten together but before he ships her off on a plane. So before The Girl in Question? Inspired by Doyle's response to Angel and Nina in my shipper request post on live journal. Short, very short. Rating: - Um… R? ~~~~~~ Simplicity. And that’s a pretty odd thought as he’s staring at the blonde curled against his side after he’s spent the last five hours wearing her out and damn… did all twenty year olds have that much energy, or was it an art student thing? But he’s awake and staring at her, and wondering if maybe it was the blonde hair that dragged him in, because he’s always been a sucker for blondes. It’s depressing, the way he’s so easily categorized. But she’s nothing like Buffy, so tiny and fragile, and burdened by something too heavy for her to carry way too young, and she’s not like Darla either, with a chip on her shoulder and a need to be better and stronger than everyone around her, and always in control. She’s not like anyone that’s been in his life in the past two hundred years. There’s no burning passion, no desperate need here. There’s just an attraction because she’s gorgeous, and he’s not drawn to the pureness of her heart of the darkness of her soul or any of the crap. He’s drawn to the way she laughs when he’s not trying to be funny, and the way she smiles. He’s drawn to her body, all those curves and she’s pretty tall for a girl, even if he knows that’s a stupid, chauvinistic thing to think. Life with Cordelia had taught him that. He likes kissing her because it feels good. There’s nothing bittersweet because things can’t go further, nothing dark and desperate and hard, nothing but her mouth on his. There’s no underlying history beneath those kisses. And that’s nice. He’s never terrorized her; he’s never made her live with his darker side or worry about curses and prophecies. He likes being in bed with her, unbridled enthusiasm on her part because she didn’t come to his bed a virgin, and for once that doesn’t bother him. She’s fun, too, in a nice non-patronizing way, and he’s learned enough over the years that if she ever asked him why he was with her, he’d never be stupid enough to say it was fun, or even simple, which brings him back to the beginning of this whole self analysis. Simplicity. Being with Nina is simple. Because maybe tomorrow she’ll wake up and say, ‘Gee had a good time, but you know, I don’t think we’ll work out,’ and he’ll be okay with it, and not be sent into days of moping over what might have been. Or maybe she won’t, and they’ll have dinner, and end up in his bed again, or maybe not. Maybe they’ll date for the next three months and call it quits, and maybe they’ll last forever. But however this turns out, it’s not going to be one more chalk line on his big board of self-flagellation. He’s not in love with Nina right now - he likes her, a lot even - but it’s not love yet, not on his side anyway, and probably not on hers. Definitely not on hers, because in the real world, people don’t fall in love on sight and end up being together forever. In the real world, you meet, have some dates and okay, maybe those dates don’t include being locked in a cell overnight while you turn into a monster, and maybe you don’t accidentally get slashed into little pieces of fluff on those dates because you’re a freaking puppet, but those were tame dates in his world. So they had dinner a few times, saw a couple movies, and he’d fought really hard to push the idea of Buffy and Cordelia away from his mind when she sat next to him and ate popcorn. And she’d been… entertaining. No worry that the movie might put thoughts into her head that couldn’t be followed through with, no problems with mind numbing visions through dinner. And maybe a part of him thinks that this is why it’s all wrong, that relationships should burden you and tear you apart and make you wish you could die to end the pain. That if she wasn’t tearing him up inside, it wasn’t real. Nina wakes up and smiles up at him sleepily. “Hey there,” she says lightly. “Been up all night?” “More or less,” he replies with a grin. “What with the pretty girl jumping me and all that.” He squeezes her lightly. She’s good to squeeze. Soft. Warm. “Where is she?” she asks. “I’ll beat her up.” She chuckles and stretched a little. “Mmm… must be all those centuries of experience that gets them every time.” His grin widens. “And here I thought it was the doomed expression and the flashy car. You mean you only want me because I’m great in bed?” She swats his chest lightly. “Well, that and you’re really rich,” she adds with another chuckle. “My mom always said you can’t go wrong with that.” He tsks lightly then tips her head back and kisses her. “I kinda like you, Nina,” he murmurs. “Oh yeah?” she says playfully as she straddles his hips. “How much? Enough to go again?” She grinds against him lightly. “Since I have the day off and everything…” He pulls her down again and kisses her, a little harder this time, moving against her and smiling when she moans. This might be the closest to normal he’s ever been. Go Back to Other Stories 09 December 2004